Jello Thou Art
by GideonRynn
Summary: THIS TIME, the Author decides to randomly throw the Boys into a strange field right at the end of thier favorite show O_O But what the heck is this place? DO I hear... QUEEN RELENA in the distance? And Une's her General? What the heck is with her Jello La


::sigh:: I'm totally taking a break from breaking out a songfic for Wufei (hint: deciding whether he does it after a bet or does it while he's... *drunk*...). Coughs. Choices, choices. Oh well! Meantime, have a little way- old ficcie, Chpt1. I did this last year... maybe I'll finish! ^_^ the person in {...} is Spam. He never has anything nice to say, so just ignore him. First part might be boring because I'm being silly, but laterz!  
  
Prolouge - Jello Thou Art!  
  
  
  
[Whoops! Ok, I didn't have to do this one, but ha ha, I did. The Adventures of Spot is not mine, it's property of... whoever... it was just one of those rare times when I would flip through channels and Nickelodeon popped up.]  
  
{How pathetic}  
  
[I know. But... I wanted to ask the Boys' consent before I hurled them into another fic.]  
  
{Wow, that's a *first*}  
  
[You're tellin' me! Anyway, here goes! Wish me luck! I didn't get it word for word, but close enough! OOC alert! But for the sake of being purposely that way.. heh heh]  
  
All of the boys were sitting in the living room watching... the Adventures of Spot...?!  
  
"Can I play with my new ball?" said Spot. The said ball is a medium blue with cute yellow stars splayed across it's rubber surface.  
  
Trowa thinks jealously, /How come I can't have a ball like *that*? I've hinted to Quatre a hundred times that I want a ball like that. Why can't he take a hint? I mean, do I have to write a list for him?/ Thinks feverently, only momentarily losing focus on the tv. /Yeah, that's it. I'll write a wish list... put down a blue rubber star-ball... puts stars around it.../  
  
"After you post this letter for me," said his mother. Spot nodded and toddeled over to his mother and grabbed the letter in his mouth and hopped down the stairs.  
  
Quatre sat on the edge of his seat, tiny chocolate-chip cookies going unnoticed into his mouth. "I... I wonder what's going to happen.." he watches intently as Spot hops to the door. He gasps sharply when Spot nearly falls off the top step, then breathes a sigh of relief when the small light and spotted- dark- brown puppy reached the ground.  
  
Once he passed the tree, a monkey hiding behind a bush popped out.  
  
Heero chuckles softly. Trowa taps Duo and points to the monkey, whisphering something in his ear and Duo bursts into laughter, nodding and whisphering something back. Wufei wacks Duo with his hand. "Silence!" Then he shakes his head disapprovingly. "I don't like that monkey. Bad omen..."  
  
Trieze rubs his chin. "A very good observation, little dragon. The character of the monkey does seem to portray some type of... temptation for Spot."  
  
Zechs pulls out a twenty and tosses it onto the table. "20 says Spot plays before he posts the letter."  
  
"Considering that this is a children's show, I would presume that Spot would do his duty before engaging in play."  
  
Zechs glared at Trieze and they both smiled, sensing a good competition. Everyone randomly tosses fives and tens, but in Duo's case 50 cents.  
  
"Heh heh.."  
  
Gideon peeks in through the door and slowly comes inside. She does a double take at what's on the tv screen and is suddenly frozen in her spot, whisphering, "Brainwashing... oh no... they're insane... um, guys--"  
  
"SHHHHH!" hissed seven voices at once. They immediately forget about her and focus on the monkey.  
  
"Can you play now, Spot?"  
  
Spot hesitates a moment while the boys bite thier lips, then says cheerfully, "After I post this letter for my mother." Zechs, Wufei, and Heero winced while the other four divided thier winnings amongst themselves, at a loss as to who would get the fifty cents..  
  
Spot finally reaches the post-box. It's tall and red, and hardly even looks like a mail-box.  
  
"WHAT?!" exclaimed Wufei. "How dare they portray such a faulty representation of a postal box! I demand the address of the author of the book and the director of the show! There must be justice in such negligence!"  
  
"I saw a box like that once," said Quatre absently. He shrugged. "But it was a long time ago. Maybe this show is an old one." Wufei shook his head and was silent, but nonetheless unconvinced. "Oh, look look look!" They all whipped thier heads up at the screen and frowned in frustration when both they and Spot realized that the said mail-box was too tall for him. He walks around twice and looks up.  
  
"I can't reach it!"  
  
"Ohhh, how *saaaaaad*!" said Quatre. Both he and Duo suddenly clung to each other, looking ready to burst into tears. Zechs shook his head as Heero casually bent down to pat them on thier heads.  
  
"Life is unfair..."  
  
"Guys, snap out of it!" snapped Gideon. She spread her arms. "WHAT the bloody freak is so interesting about a *children's* show?! It's just--"  
  
"It is *NOT* a children's show!!" snapped Wufei back. Gideon held up her hands, mouthing an 'oooookay, if you saaaay so' and backed out of the room.  
  
"I'll come back *later*."  
  
"Good job, Dragon."  
  
Puff.  
  
"Let me help you, Spot!" said the turtle. She allowed Spot to climb onto her back and put the letter in the mail-box.  
  
"Thanks Claire!"  
  
"Blessed turtle," said Wufei in awe. He nodded in approval as Spot bounded away and met the monkey, and they both played with the ball. A tiny tear appeared at the corner of Trowa's face.  
  
"Mother was right! This really was an exciting morning!"  
  
"I still don't like that monkey, though.."  
  
"But, dragon, it did nothing here to deter Spot from his primary objective."  
  
"Well, you are right..."  
  
"Three cheers for Spot!"  
  
"Hip Hip"  
  
"Hooray!"  
  
"Hip Hip"  
  
"Hooray!"  
  
"Hip Hip"  
  
"Hooray!"  
  
"Wasn't that a neat ball that he had, Trowa? I wish I could have one like that."  
  
/Sigh/ "Anything you want, Quatre."  
  
"Heero, what did you get out of this?"  
  
"Perfect post-box. If they are so hard to get into, they are had to get important messages out of. I may actually be able to use that form of public postage. Do we have that on tape?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good. I'll be able to copy down blueprints..."  
  
"Unless you want it, Trowa. It would be the perfect present for you, wouldn't it?"  
  
"Anything you want, Quatre."  
  
Duo, happy, finally sits up and looks around. "Hey... er... did Gideon come in here earlier?"  
  
Trowa looks at the door, picks up a piece of paper and reads it. "Yeah, she did. She left a note." It says:  
  
*Dear AoS Boys,*  
  
*Since you are so intent in your... ahem... *movie*.. I decided to break the news to you through a safer way. I have a new fic that you guys are going to be in called "Jello Thou Art!", and I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to work in it--*  
  
Various snickers.  
  
*--and since I already know that you guys won't want to be in it, I wanted to add that it will include Relena fatalities.*  
  
Various drools.  
  
*Hopefully you will say 'yes,' but I won't hold my breath so you will be in it anyway.*  
  
Various moans.  
  
*Casting will begin in two days, so.. cheer up, ok? It won't be so bad! And remember... the fatalities... of Relena...* The last four words echo throughout the room until they fade away.  
  
Duo blinks twice. "Ok, so, who's getting the blue star-ball, Trowa or Quatre?"  
  
Zechs pulls out a ten for lack of twenty used on other bets throughout the show. "10 says it's Quatre."  
  
Duo grinned. "Better to keep our minds off of darker things. So, Heero, if you rewind now and copy down the blueprints, you could probably go by the hardware store after the marathon ends..."  
  
"I have all neccesary materials right in my room." Rewinds tape quickly.  
  
"I hope they don't show that monkey."  
  
"I rather distrusted the turtle, myself."  
  
"How could you?! That turtle is the *base* of the show! It shows such moral values that each and every tur-child should be brought up with."  
  
"But the turtle's future is not very promising. In fact, I have the extreme premonition that in a later show they will cast her as a traitor."  
  
"TRAITOR?!?"  
  
Pop.  
  
"Um.. where did Trowa go?"  
  
Pop.  
  
"Um... where did Quatre go?"  
  
Pop. Pop. Pop. "Heero... Duo.... Zechs?"  
  
"What are you doing, Khusrenada?!"  
  
Pop.  
  
"Treize..?"  
  
Pop.  
  
Seven pops and all confused characters appear in the middle of a grassland. It's *HUGE*.. clear blue sky, trees bordering the grassland.. and a huge house in the distance. It's color is undiscernable from where the boys are, but... a figure running from the distance slowly becomes someone they can see... or... something?  
  
The figure in the distance ran up to them -- then past them. he was in such a terrible hurry that it attracted Duo's attention and he called out to the blur as he whizzed past him.  
  
"H-hey -- why are you in such a hurry?" Immediately suspicious. "Is something coming to kill us?!? Hunh?! Answer me!!"  
  
The blur abruptly stopped. Before the seven gods of Gundam Wing stood -- Pagan, two foot and a half long white rabbit ears sticking out of the top of his head, a large, fluffy white tail coming out of a... tight black spandex swimsuit..  
  
Everyone, including Gideon, Maakerat, Spam, the Boys, and (ex) Oz officers, promptly ran toward the woods and puked thier guts out, only to return moments later to attempt to regain some little itty bit of dignity.  
  
Pagan said, out of breath --  
  
Maakerat: Mon Dieu, how can he *breathe*?! I'm surprised he's not *dead*!  
  
Gideon: You and me BOTH!  
  
Spam: I hope this isn't what you meant when you said it would have to do with rabbits, because THAT is ridiculous.  
  
"I was late! I was late! For a very important date!! Not time to say 'hello', 'goodbye'! Too late too late too late!"  
  
Spam: ----  
  
Gideon: No at word, Spam, not a WORD!  
  
"No kidding," choked Zechs, attempting to look away from the disgusting sight. Even his near-white hair (platinum blonde, ahem) appeared to turn a few shades darker.  
  
"It is too late to save me! Run! Save yourselves! The Queen is looking for a new toy and in my failure to bring one to her my life is over!" wailed bunny-Pagan. He screamed and ran away.  
  
Trieze blinked. "What an interesting man... I feel sorry for him. So *that's* what happens to characters to who get much air-time.."  
  
Out of nowhere (more than likely from 50 billion kilometers away from under a hill that no-one can ever see) a long, thick red-looking liquidy rope whipped over thier heads, and seconds later a hapless bunny-Pagan was being dragged on his flabby butt in the direction of the mansion/castle/whatever.  
  
"Was there *really* a need to describe him so?"  
  
"I swear that after this is over I'm becoming a monk. Changed my life."  
  
"Behold the power of Jello!" creid Pagan at last before he disappeared over another convenient rise of hills. "Beware! No one can escape the Jello of Truth!" Echoes as he disappears behind said hills.  
  
Gideon: ::annoyed:: Take that! ::gets out her Lit book, drops it on the hills, which promptly become flat:: Heh heh..  
  
The hills flat, everyone can see Pagan, completely wrapped in a jello- lasso. Barely they can see the force of... women... gathered around him, but... they can clearly see...  
  
"Lady Une?!?"  
  
"Oh my."  
  
"We're screwed. I know it already."  
  
"Don't panic."  
  
"Easy for you to say, mister PS. "  
  
"We really shouldn't panic."  
  
"She hasn't looked at us yet. That's cause not to panic."  
  
"If she looks at us,*then* we're screwed."  
  
At that exact moment, caused by the cue from both the last two comments and Gideon [heh heh], Lady Une looked thier way.  
  
"SEIZE THEM!!! TRAITORS OF THE QUEEN, TAKE NOT ANOTHER STEP! YOU ARE BEING SEIZED ON ACCOUNT OF TRESPASSING ON THE QUEEN'S PROPERTY!!!"  
  
"In Duo's words, we are indeed 'screwed.'"  
  
"Call her off, Khushrenada. The woman idolizes you already! Make good on it!"  
  
"I'm afraid that the author has fixed that..."  
  
"Do it anyway!"  
  
"Dearest Lady Une--"  
  
"SILENCE!!"  
  
"I told you."  
  
"SEIZE THEM!"  
  
"I told you."  
  
"Shut up! I heard you the first time!"  
  
"I suggest we haul a--"  
  
"Shhhh! Relena will get mad at you!!"  
  
"Relena?! I wouldn't give a flying f--"  
  
"Who dares to think about violating the peace of the Queen's land?! SEIZE THEM, I SAID! SEIZE THEM!"  
  
"As Duo was about to say--" 


End file.
